Today, today, today.
So far today I feel okay. I actually slept last night. Woke a few times, but all in all, had a solid sleep.
Something feels a little lighter today. This is likely to crash and burn later, but I need to remember this moment.
Let it stay, let it stay, let it stay.
Have been in here since last Friday. Days drag on…
I’m trapped in myself. I can’t get out.
I’m here. Even when I don’t want to be. Even though I have to grit my teeth and scrabble and scrape just to get through. I’m always still here.
I’m exhausted. Tired of my mind’s riddles. Tired of getting by. But that’s all I can do.
I should be tired of it, but I’m tired because of it.
The above sentence came to me in my head like words used to. I had to write them. Type them. They would echo around and around in my mind and I would have to record them. If I didn’t I’d lose them forever. There used to be lots of words, but these are the first that have come to me in a long time. Years perhaps. I feel disappointed by their hollowness. They are not special. They’re not words you can wrap around your tongue and taste. Feel.