The weekend goes quickly. Too quickly.
I am dreading, dreading, dreading the week. I just don’t feel I have the energy or patience to bother with it. I really would rather skip the whole thing and spend my days in bed instead.
Today I caught up with a few friends. That is a saying I’m not used to using. I’ve not had friends since school, really. I’ve had work friends, but not the type of friends you would meet up and do things with. Now I have a few friends, outside work. We aren’t BFFs or anything. Maybe that’s something that could develop though. It is nice to have someone to catch up with, and send messages to every now and then and the like. But I’m so awkward. I’m not a very good friend. I don’t know what they see in me. That aside, I will hold onto them. I’ll take what they offer. Even if I don’t deserve it. These friends are people I have met through hospital and group therapy. I’m so lucky I have a few people I can be more real with. We are able to talk about things which we can’t with the others.
Having friends now also makes me a little sad for the years I haven’t. And for not having someone who I would consider a best friend. But then again, I’ve been hurt by close friends before. Maybe I’ve not been open to having close friendships because of that.
The rest of today went quickly. I was very low after coming back from coffee with the girls. Being social takes a lot out of me. Trying to be okay is exhausting.
I planted plants though – some ferns in a hanging planter thingy, and seedlings in a pot. I enjoyed that.
This afternoon my mood lifted a bit. Seems to be a trend. Actually, the trend lately is yo-yoing all over the place. But my psychiatrist said “rapid cycling” was quite normal with cases like mine. So it’s normal and I just deal with it? Even if I feel out of control? Ugh I don’t want to get into it. That’s a blog for another day.